I joined these forums looking for an active and supportive community that (I hope) can help encourage me as I struggle with my disorders (depression/bipolar disorder, social anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and borderline personality disorder). This is my first blog entry, and I'm hoping to use this blog to keep my thoughts re: my mental illnesses organized, and to vent some feelings.

Right now I'm really worried about Christmas. Last year, I had a fantastic time, but my mental health has been so bad this month that I'm afraid the same won't be true this year. Progress is being made (changes to my medications, plus seeking out a psychiatrist to try to help with my BPD, which has gotten incredibly difficult to manage recently) but it's slow going, and I just want the day to be good.

I'll have plenty of things to keep me occupied since we're going out of town to visit family, but I'm afraid I'll be left alone with my thoughts for any length of time today or tomorrow and I'll get to overthinking things and suffer a mood crash. I don't know what to do to try to prepare myself or prevent that from happening, because obviously I have to be alone with my thoughts sometimes... but I'm still really worried about this. I just want Christmas day to be good. I want to be happy, just for one day.

Hi, I'm a new member and have registered in the hope of finding a better understanding and hopefully some peace regarding my intimate relationship with my half sister.

I was adopted at birth and met my biological mother and two half sisters 6 years ago (I was 38 at the time). My two half sisters (the eldest was 28 and the youngest was 25) (and no-one else) never knew of my existence. After my mother disclosed and discussed my "re-appearance" with them, we met for the first time in 2006. From the very first moment, there was a very special bond between my eldest half sister and me. Although I dearly love my youngest half sister and we have a great relationship, which is very supportive and loving, we do not have a physical attraction to each other and we do not share the same level of emotional "understanding" that I share with my eldest half sister.

From the first moment on, my eldest half sister and I shared an amazing bond. I live in a different country to them (my mother and two half sisters), but each time we get to see each other, we have an ability to enter each other's souls in an instant, as if we have never been apart. The "connection" between us has always contained an element of physical attraction, but we never acted on it, nor discussed it. In each other's presence, we were however always stunned by the fact that no-one else picked up on it, since it always felt (and still does) like it was almost "tangible".

In 2008, our relationship became sexual and on each trip since then, we have enjoyed the most amazing intimate moments both she and I have ever experienced. First and foremost, we are truly soul mates and we share an acceptance of each other, that neither of us have ever experienced anywhere else. Our physical relationship is not our primary attraction, but flows from the amazing intimacy we share emotionally. If it were possible and because of society's views regarding relationships like these, we'd choose to exist as "just" half brother and sister, but we both understand that we'd be lying to ourselves if we pretended this to be true.

We are both Christians and love our churches and our communities. I don't have a problem with our relationship in view of my relationship with God, but my sister does struggle with it from time to time. We also understand the consequences (perhaps not fully) of our relationship, both in a community and in our family.

We have not shared our relationship with anyone and my hope is to enter into meaningful discussion regarding our situation, so that I may better understand our options. There is so much more to say, but this will do for a start.

When i was around 5-9 years old, my female cousin, i'm also a girl, shes only literally a few months older then me, I guess she started exploring her sexuality more then me at the time. But when we were around that age she started i guess rubbing and touching me, on my butt, breasts ect, and she confronted me one day and asked me to lay down with her and watch a movie with her, while doing so she took off her panties and pulled her shirt up and asked me to touch her "there" and she started grinding her butt on me, I kind of liked it but i also felt very very guilty because some part of me new it wasn't right. This continued for I cant remember how long, until we got caught. I had previously asked her if we could stop but she said no because she liked it and when i said i wasn't going to do it anymore she said she would either tell them it was the other way around or that it was my idea, then she said just to wait till her grandmother came to visit her in a few weeks, but we got caught before she came to visit her. I have no clue how her mother reacted to her and what had happened but my mother was pissed and told me to take a shower and wash my hands for about 3 hours. I don't really care about the memories about those moments it sickens me to think that I even did that when I was younger. But I feel like it effected me in some way because now my mother has remarried more then a couple of times and when I met my first step brother I had fantasies about him coming into my room and touching me or us having sex. I am currently 17, and I just feel like something is wrong with me.

Hi!
I am Sally. A alter. I just got switched by Percylla by free will. That was nice though the headache still came along. By the half an hour that I was out I can still remember/know what Percylla did while she was in control. But while I was out I wasn’t really out. I wasn’t axcatley blacked out nor could I like watch over her. I find me/us always being the one out. Like I was Percylla but changed into me, Sally. And I have read online that in DID the alters either black out or watch the alter who is out at that moment. It’s more like I am the one changing not the alters. Sure, I took Percyllas place, but I didn’t feel as if I had been out at all.
So, our questin is that can we all still be one and not black out? Maybe take turns but not black out?
P.S It’s like our soul is always the one who is out. But we change. We go into the soul. That would make sense when it comes to the survival part that the alters would feel belonged after switching. Right? So,I am supposedly out, but after I switch to main I fell like I just woke up but never even went to sleep (was out) though I clearly wasn’t truly aware either.. Does that make sense? Anyone else experienced anything similar?

Hi everyone!

I'm new to this site, and I'm not quite sure how everything works around here yet, but I'm hopeful that posting my story here and reading yours will help me deal with my eating disorder.
About two months ago, I started binge eating again. I've tried dealing with it in various ways: dieting, talking about it with friends, not buying candy, basically everything I could think of. I tried keeping a diary, but I only wrote in it once and then gave up/forgot about it. However, I do think I was onto something. So now what I'll do is the following: I'll post the beginning of my story here. Please excuse any errors, English is not my native language (but I try my very best!). Anyway, if things turn out well I'll probably keep writing in my 'diary'. We'll see how it goes. For now, I hope you'll enjoy reading my story.

(all names in this story have been changed)

Diary of a not so anonymous overeater

Dec 18th, 2011

Okay, so it’s happening again. This thing comes and goes, it’s done so for the last two (almost) three years, I think. I used to overeat because I felt uncomfortable and insecure about my weight and size. Now I just feel uncomfortable and insecure in general.
The point of this diary is to keep me from overeating. Right now, it’s not even about gaining weight (although that is an annoying by-factor) anymore, it’s about the fact that I’m muffling away my feelings by stuffing my face. So from now on, each time I get the urge to eat more than necessary, I’ll express my feelings and thoughts right here. I’m doubtful that it will always keep me from overeating, but I must have faith and at least give it a try. So, let’s get started!
This last week I’ve been in overeater’s heaven (or hell?). Yesterday for instance, I felt it necessary to eat 2 boiled eggs, pasta and cheese, about 6 (I’m not joking) peanut butter sandwiches, a can of tuna, cheese, some more cheese and then some pizza. After that I went to a surprise party for my friend Lola. There, I ate some chocolate cake, a shitload of glazed cream puffs, some mini Frankfurt croissants, some chips, and finally some pretzels. Not to mention that there were also quite a lot of alcoholic beverages involved (none of which got me drunk of course, given the amount of food that was currently hijacking my stomach). As if this feast of plenty wasn’t enough, I figured that it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to take a trip to the McDonald’s drive through with Lola and her sister. Back at my place we indulged in our late night snacks, which for me meant eating an ‘American Classic’ (with bacon, yay) and an M&M McFlurry. To top it off, I took two aspirin and drank some water, before passing out on my bed.
Now, you may or may not believe that an 18-year old girl could down that much food and wake up not only alive, but also hungry, but I’m telling you, it’s the truth. I haven’t eaten anything yet, and I’ve been up since 10 am. The explanation is that I have no idea where to start. What should I eat? Should I make myself a large breakfast to keep myself from snacking (read: replacing real food for a huge amount of snacks) throughout the day? Should I start off slow, so that I don’t stretch my stomach too much and wind up eating about 2 times my own body weight in cream puffs again? The truth is, I really don’t know.

There are so many diets out there, so many people telling you what you can and (mostly) can’t eat. When you should eat, where you should eat, how you should eat, what you should do before or after you eat, how you should feel about eating, how you have to stop thinking about food, how you have to think intensively about food… I can keep this up for about 20 more pages, but I’m choosing (in both your interest and my own) not to. Because, and few dare admit it, nobody really knows how to deal with food. It’s like the ocean, we know it’s there, but we barely know anything about it. And still, people continuously write articles about how we have to live with food. Why? Be...

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